Okay, singles, this month, it’s all about you. That’s right—you. It’s important to celebrate who you are and where you are in life, so yes, I’m singling you out.
Table for one, or even home for one? Why not? When I was single, I fearlessly did things by myself. Some of you are embarrassed or uncomfortable eating alone at a restaurant. Some can’t stand to live alone or even be alone, but there’s nothing to worry about. The restaurant world now caters to those who dread eating alone in public—that’s what curbside takeout is for. You call, drive up and stay in the car to avoid eating by yourself in public, or because you don’t want to be seen in baggy sweats. All of us have moments where we just have to pick up food, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
But, if you’re living in those sweats because you’ve gotten lazy, you need to remember the way you present yourself every day is extremely important to your self-esteem. Get dressed each morning for you. Romance yourself once in awhile with a fabulous dining experience—it doesn’t have to be expensive. Take yourself out on the town. We have so many fabulous restaurants locally, whether you crave a salad and a glass of wine or a taco and a margarita. You’re not really alone. The wait staff, at least, is waiting to chat with you.
If you’re truly uncomfortable with the idea of dining solo, you need to ask yourself some questions. First, are you happy being single? If so, that’s great. If not and you’re obsessed with finding someone—anyone—because you hate being alone, then you need to stop and take inventory of your life. Say to yourself, “I need to be the best single me I can be,” before you’re half of a couple.
Society has suggested in the past that an unmarried woman is in danger of becoming an old maid and an unmarried guy must have commitment issues, particularly after a certain age. Not true. Times have changed. People now wait to marry, and they discover who they are all by themselves—becoming whole human beings before they enter into any sacred relationship. That’s a great thing, as you need to know yourself before you choose a life mate. It’s fabulous to be married or in a relationship—but only if you’re truly happy. It’s hell if you’re not. And it starts with being happy with yourself.
Can you handle being home alone? Some feel they can’t be by themselves and have to have people constantly with them. But you need to be independent and grounded, and make yourself a home, alone if need be. Much of my generation went straight from the parent’s nest directly into a relationship before we had any sense of who we were and what we liked. If you don’t learn to stand on your feet and create a home, regardless of size, you’re robbing yourself of a wonderful time to grow and learn about who you really are.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t have much money. Trust me I’ve been there. I was a single mom at one point. Talk about stress—I didn’t actually live alone until my son went off to college.
So whether you have a studio apartment, a rental room over a garage or your first condo or home, you need to explore your own personal style. If you have a roommate because of expenses, then have boundaries in the space and your own room. That’s where you can begin to live alone with yourself. It’s so much fun, and it’s very revealing. You just might learn something. It’s an essential step in growing up and understanding who you are. Regardless of age, if you’re single, just divorced or leaving a relationship, it’s never too late to figure out you. Don’t fear the word alone—embrace and use it as a badge of discovery and honor. You might discover you’re pretty interesting company and start enjoying your alone time.
Remember Home Alone with Macaulay Culkin? First he was afraid because he was left behind by his family. Then he embraced it, and took charge. He did all the things he’d always wanted to do that other people kept him from doing. His inner-being, confidence and instincts grew. He woke up and became responsible. Prior to that moment, he’d hated taking a shower, brushing his teeth and getting ready for the day. Suddenly, it became a fun ritual set to music. His time alone taught him quite a bit—imagine what it could do for grown-ups.
So the next time you’re terrified by the idea of sitting in the middle of a restaurant alone or spending an evening at home all by yourself, stop and say, “This is it—my moment to grow—and it’s all about me.”
Moll’s Tips for Living Single
1. Make a date with yourself to go to a restaurant—Be daring and make a reservation for one. Dress up and just do it. There are a few tricks to help you adjust if need be. Bring a book—not only do you look intelligent, but reading is another great gift you give yourself. Bring a journal or notebook and make a list of things you need to do for you. If it’s a breakfast date, pick up a newspaper and get current. Knowledge is empowering, and it’ll make you more interesting on your next date.
2. Get your favorite CDs out or pull up iTunes and pick your theme song. It needs to have great energy and make you strut. Remember John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever? If you’re feeling down, play your theme song and it will be a guaranteed pick-me-up.
3.No matter what your space, make it yours. Start today. Buy some magazines, tear the pictures you love out and make a file of your personal style. It’s a great way to hone in on what you like. It doesn’t have to be the whole page or whole room. It could be one particular thing—the color of a wall, a lamp or a couch.
4. In these economic times, some of you may need a roommate. If that’s the case, make sure that you treat it like a business with regard to leases, money and space. It’s important to know your boundaries. Not doing this can ruin a great friendship with someone who lives differently than you do. Not everyone is a good housekeeper or respects others.
Moll’s Five Must-Haves
1. Paint. It’s the cheapest, most cost effective tool you have. Painting even one wall can make a huge difference in any space.
2. Lighting. Dimmer switches are cheap and easy to install. You can go from bright work light to romantic ambiance simply by adjusting the light.
3. Music. It’s the atmosphere thermostat. The second you walk into your space, turn on the music, tune out any negative effects from the day and relax. Find your theme song—I have one. Start every morning by playing it on your way to work.
4. Flowers. They brighten any room and are a great way to experiment with color. They smell fabulous and just make you feel special.
5. Fabric. Essential to softening any space. From draperies to a cashmere throw draped over a couch arm and ready for you to curl up in, fabric adds warmth to any room.